Twisted
by parkourmaster07
Summary: Izaya and Shizuo had been living together for three months but Shizuo could see that Izaya doesn't feel what he was feeling, evrything was starting to fall apart until an accident came, would the accident cause more chaos or it will bring another hope "it might be a selfish wish, but i hope he stays like this forever.."
1. Chapter 1

_**I came up with another story I just need to write this so badly….. **_

I love him..  
I love his face, his body, his twisted smirk..  
I love his voice, his scent, everything,..  
I love everything about him..  
I love that flea  
Orihara Izaya.

So how.. did it come to this…

a tall blond was staring at the rising and falling chest of the lithe form before him, the sounds of machines filled the silent room. Every beep and thump would make the blond release a sigh of relief, he made his way to the form and sat on the bed. A frown was visible on the blond's face as he ran his fingers on the delicate skin of the sleeping raven.  
"what happen to us?" he whispered and pushed back some strands of the raven hair that was covering the beautiful lashes of the informant. It pained Shizuo to stare at the informant so weak and covered with bandages, his head, arm, hips and ankle.  
"how did this all begun?"

_Ive beenin love with my enemy Orihara Izaya for such a long time it was still back in high school, but I never told him what I felt never did showed him any hints instead I just coat my own words of love with hate. 'I hate you! Izaya get out of ikebukuro! I don't want to see your face!' everything I said was the opposite of what I really wanted to say. I chase him because I know he likes it when I do so, but I do not intend to kill him, I was satisfied with it he doesn't need to know .but something happened that twisted everything. I accidentally confessed. I expected nothing else he laughed and laughed and laughed at me and I accepted rejection already but then. Izaya told me he wanted to try it out with me and it made me so happy, right now im together with Izaya for three months now. We are living together in my apartment, and we are happy, we cuddle , we whisper sweet words, we love each other. At least that's what I believe but none of it was happening. We are together but we are distant, I can easily tell Izaya is just putting up with it, we never cuddle he sat opposite to me and was having his own world, we never whisper sweet words, I never heard any from him, and when I start speaking he makes excuses and not hearing me out and I know it's one sided love. He never loved me and never will, and the last thing he said before the accident is…._

'I would never love a monster such as you, the mere thought of it makes me sick!'

The blond's pondering was momentarily shaken by the sound of the machines. Shizuo looked at the sleeping informant and the flower vase that was recently being replaced. No one visited the raven since the accident except him. Which made Shizuo's heart ache more, no one cared, no one cared about Izaya and still he was amazed how the raven survived to live like that, maybe because of his twisted brain. Did they not care because he was twisted or he became twisted because no one cared? What would Izaya be like when he was not twisted? Shizuo wondered. Would he be kind? Or would he still be the flea ?  
"ugh" the blond flinched as he felt a grip on the informants small hands, tightening his grip on his figers.  
"I..Izayaa?!" the blond shot up from his seat and faced the slowly waking raven. Red auburn eyes slowly looked around, momentarily dazed as he looked at Shizuo. the blond was smiling, he was happy, really happy that Izaya had finally woken up, but the things happened before the accident made his heart ache, he was not ready to face Izaya , yet if he wouldn't who would? The doctors? Nurse? Nobody was around and it would make the informant sad if he knew no one waited for him to wake up. Shizuo doesn't care, he can leave after izaya is fine right? Then go and move on? Yes that is what he should do for the meantime he need to settle with the raven today.  
"izaya.. im glad your awake."  
the informant blinked and looked at him with confusion as he tilted his head. Shizuo smiled, but that smile vanished when the informant finally spoke.

"who are you?"


	2. Chapter 2

Three months before the accident.

The sun shine brightly at the sky, while people was continuously walking through the busy streets of Ikebukuro. Nothing was new in this city, it was the same as always, life goes on and on everyday even the life of a certain blond who stood out among the busy crowd. Shizuo Heiwajima thought that today was another day of collecting debts, listening to some annoying reasoning of stupid people, or chasing some sorry asses in provoking him or maybe chasing a certain flea. That was his daily life and nothing else is new, except today which everything twisted into a tangled mess that he didn't expect.

"..zuo…Shizuo!"

"huh? what?" a sudden call made Shizuo's pondering interrupted, turning to face his employer he blinked a couple of seconds before giving a sigh. "im sorry Tom-san, where are we going again?" asked the blond as he lit another cancer stick that made his nerves calm. His employer Tom scratched the back of his head and sighed as well before scratching his head.

"no never mind it Shizuo you seemed to be in daze , maybe a rest would be not so bad, I could call Verona to take shifts."

Shizuo nodded and waved his hands as he started walking in no particular direction, he was glad that he got a boss as understanding as Tom one people he might call as friends, well he only got few. Celty, Kadota, Vorona and Tom..Shinra? maybe ? yes Shinra is one even though he always blabber about taking his blood samples, and the flea… the flea..

"the flea?" he scoffed, of course he knows the flea is not on friends list, his on the different list a list that Shizuo wouldn't admit he had. "stupid flea" he murmured again before he felt a nudge on his head realizing somebody threw a stone at him.

"aww~ thinking about me Shizu-chan~"  
there it is the annoying voice that he hated. Turning around he met the red auburn eyes of his nemesis a growl had elicit on the blond's throat as he looked at the male stood before him.

"like hell that would happen tch! Get out before I throw you"

"aww~ im hurt! That's a mean thing to say" the raven haired mad also known as the infamous informant Izaya Orihara. One mention of his name and you'll see the people's reactions are either disgust or anger. Izaya's Cheshire grin made its way on his pale face.

"just get out! IIIIZAAAAYAAA!"

Shizuo forgot how or when the chase had begun all he knew now is he was chasing the damn flea, the damn flea that he love. His breath became ragged as he ran and throw the nearest heavy thing he could uproot the blond bartender finally cornered the raven in an empty alley.

"finally! You're dead!" the blond howled and made his way closer to the imformant, izaya on the other hand is looking around for a possible escape but the chances are futile. It's either he die there from Shizuo's hand or beg to let him go, the latter was an impossible options , there is no way in hell Izaya would beg.

"ahh Shizu-chan ~ what now? Are you going to kill me?" and the taunting began.

"just shut up!"

" Shizu-chan …I like you.."  
Shizuo stopped in his tracks as he heard the response he received, his heart was loudly pounding against his chest _izaya..said..he like me?_ he thought of that over and over, he felt so happy that the flea felt the same thing that he does.

"you like me?

"yes..like the way I like the sole of my shoes! Fufufu! Hahaha!" Izaya laughed as he saw Shizuo's expression and he can't help but laugh at how shocked the bartender was, he continued to giggle not noticing the fuming blond who he really did hit a fatal nerve.  
Shizuo was mad, really mad he never experienced being pissed as this in his life, grabbing the raven by the neck he pounded his lithe form into the nearby wall and gritted his teeth.

"what? hah! I got you ne?"

"shut up!"

"I like you~"

"shut up!"

"I like you Shizu-cha—"

"FOR ONCE HAVE YOU EVER CONSIDERED HOW I FEEL! WHAT I FEEL FOR YOU!"

Shizuo relalized what he just said and quickly silence his mouth with his hands and looked at the informant with wide eyes. Izaya dropped his mask and stared in disbelief before regaining his composure and spoke.

"you like me?"  
the bartender let the informant go and looked away, he had been discovered and was wondering what should he do. He snapped out of his thoughts as izaya repeated the question, Shizuo grunted and thought since he was already being discovered it's better if he confess, he knows that rejections is waiting, even though he knows that he might not be able to see the flea or continue their cat and mouse game.

"Shizu-chan? Hey! What? im asking you he—"

"yes. I do." He loosen his grip on the informant's neck and backed away "I don't know what I saw in you, even though you ruined my life and practically did nothing but to annoy and provoke me, I still like you.." Shizuo started and decided to pour out everything. "you! You little pest that would always make my head spin! Just shut up!"

"what answer would you like to hear?"

"I know you will just reject me when I say that I ,…I ..I love you"

"ppfft! AAHAHAHAAHAHAHA! What do you expect?! That I would say I love you as well? Don't joke"

Izaya burts into laughing fit while Shizuo was looking at his shouse due to embarrassment, taking a deep breath he started to walk away. _I need to get out of here_ . that was the only thought he had as he slowly walked away but the informants voice and sentence made him stop.

**_"want to try it out Shizu-chan? You and I together?"_**


	3. Chapter 3

_**So.. the new chapter is here and i would like to thank the people who followed and reviewed... yay \('^')/ i hope you continue to read this.. **_

In the hospital, present time.

"who are you?"

Shizuo's world stopped at that moment, Izaya stared blankly at him as Shizuo processed the new information he heard. _The flea doesn't remember me?_

"you..you don't know me?" the blond bartender finally managed to speak after a few minutes of silence, the raven haired male shook his head as a yes and looked away tiredly. Shizuo took a step backwards and looked down, he wanted to throw something, he wanted to go a rampage. _This is the worst, im fine with the flea not loving me… but _

_this..this is .._

"w..water"

his thoughts were stopped by the voice that he missed, that annoying yet beautiful voice that talks nonstop went through his hearing. The blond went to the bedside table and poured a glass of water and sat beside the bed. He looked at Izaya who's right hand was on cast and left arm on bandages. Shizuo placed the glass back on the table and helped the raven sat up. He then helped Izaya to drink the water.

"I'll be back okay.." Shizuo stood up and headed out of the room.

As the bartender left the room the informant looked around the place and frowned, he doesn't know anything, doesn't remember anything not even his name, his family , his life. He felt lonely and empty. Waking up one day without any memories, without knowing what kind of person he was..  
"Izaya…" he murmured and beside the table. _That must be my name right? That blond man called me izaya, now that I realized, who was that man? A relative? A friend? I wonder who he was._ Izaya started to examine the state of his body seeing a lot of bandages he presume it was a very tragic thing that made him like this. With a sigh he stared at the doctors who went inside the room and checked on him.

Shizuo stood outside the room and leaned on the wall looking down he ran his hand on his blond locks and gripped it in frustration. _Why? Why did this have to happen? Im ready to let go.. let him go.. but now.. _Shizuo growled and punched the nearest wall leaving a hole on the hard cemented wall, no one dared to interrupt him they know their fate when they do, so the people around that hall ignored him and pretended they didn't see the violence that happened. The blond bartender took a deep breath and looked up trying to calm himself and nerves, he can't smoke his cancer stick so he had to deal with the inhale and exhale exercise. He stared at the door and imagined the raven inside it, the raven man that he knew for eight years, the raven that he loved for eight years. He kept wondering why he can't forget Izaya, Izaya and his stupid malicious smirk, izaya and his endless taunting. Another sigh escaped his lips for the fifth time since he went out, he needed to escape from that stranger who had izaya's face. Shizuo fished his phone from his pocket and made a call.

"hello~" a chirpy voice made through Shizuo's ear.

"Shinra.." he spoke, his voice a bit trembling as he leaned back on the wall again.

"Shizuo! oh my! How are you? It's been to long since you called, im starting worry~ even my Celty is starting worry about you, your boss said you rarely go to work , what's wrong did…Shizuo? are you alright? You haven't threw your phone or yelled at me …something wrong?"

"Shinra.."

"yes?"

"Izaya's awake now.."

"Shinra?"

"… I hope he didn't"

"Shinra!" Shizuo gritted his teeth at the comment and growled. Shinra on the other hand sighed as he placed the plate on the counter and took off his apron before walking through the living room

"Im sorry Shizuo, you know… since that day I found out what izaya had been doing to you, I finally realized no one really deserves a bastard like him…" Shinra's voice became more serious as Shizuo listened to him. "I even wondered why you are still there, looking after him after what he done to you.."

"it's because I love him" Shizuo said bluntly and walked towards the door and peeked inside seeing the raven on the bed resting .

"but, did he loved you back?"  
Shizuo's eyes widen at that question before closing them as he closed the door and leaned back on the wall.

"no.."

"please Shizuo, stop hurting yourself, you have sacrificed too much for that guy!"

"that guy? Shinra izaya is your friend right?"

" my friend 'before'"

"he needs you now.. he can't remember anything."

Shinra paused and contemplated for a moment and pushed back his glasses as he looked through the window. "I'll be there for you, not for him." And with that Shinra ended the conversation. Shizuo sighed and looked at the door swung open as the doctors came out. The blond pushed himself away from the wall and strode towards the doctors.

"how is he?" Shizuo asked worry was written in his eyes, he wished that what the raven said was just because of the shock, that the raven would still remember him. The doctor turned around and faced him.

"he is fine, the wounds are starting to heal but, I have to say that he had an amnesia.. I still need to run up some

few test " and with that the doctor left the blond who made his way back to the informant.

Shizuo looked at the raven in the bed who was resting, his chest rising and falling. He sat down the bed and observed Izaya, until those crimson orbs fluttered open and looked at the blond.

"how are you feeling?" Shizuo asked and sat on the chair near the bed, izaya moved to a comfortable position and looked at the blond with a smile, a warm and natural smile.

"im fine thank you.."

Shizuo's eyes widen at the smile, it was the first time he had seen izaya smiled like that, hell he didn't even expected that. "im glad you are then" he said and looked at the table before picking up an orange. "you want? I bought fruits, orange?"  
the raven decided propped himself up and sat down. "sure, orange sounds nice." He said and looked at the blond who was peeling the orange and blinked a couple of times as he tilted his head and stared at Shizuo, the bartender who noticed this and was getting creeps from how the way Izaya looked at him he finally raised a brow. "what?"

"im sorry for starring but can I ask you something?"

"uhmm.. sure"

"what's your name?"

Shizuo felt a pang in his heart as he looked at the curious raven in his front. "Shizuo, Heiwajima Shizuo". izaya nods and extended his left hand even though it was bandaged he tried to reach for the blond.

"nice to meet you Shizuo, im..im…" he trailed, not sure if he was going to say the name he suspected he had or just stay silent, but before he could say anything the blond finished it for him.

"Izaya, Orihara Izaya"

Izaya smiled and leaned back again "Izaya" he murmured and before he knew it a piece of orange was in his mouth

"eat". The raven blinked before taking it in his mouth and swallowed it.

"I know you have lots of questions but first you have to eat" Shizuo said after putting another piece of orange in those beautiful lips, how badly he want to kiss the informant right now, especially with him looking so innocent.

"oh..okay.. uh thank you" he smiled again and looked around the place before his gaze fell on the blond who was feeding him, izaya looked carefully at the bartender and studied his features. _he's handsome_.

"hey! open up "

"oh im sorry..uh you don't really have to feed me I can do it myself" he said and raised his left bandaged hand, Shizuo raised a brow and shrugged before feeding the informant. "nope, you can't so just rest and get well I'll take care of you" .

Izaya's eyes widen and a light blush made its way on his ghostly pale face, which made those pink dusts visible. He didn't know what to say, but most of all curious, curious who this man sitting beside him was? Who was he in his life? And more importantly what's with the weird feeling he had when he was with this said Shizuo.  
Shizuo paused as he saw the ever cute and innocent blush on the informants cheek, it was perfect and adorable. he had seen Izaya blushed but it was when they tumble on the bed or him being embarrassed but aside from that he didn't see anything like this , and it made him happy because he made Izaya blush like that in just a simple gesture or words. "here last one" he smiled and fed the last orange and stood up. "is there anything you need?" Shizuo asked and looked at the raven. Izaya looked away trying to find anything to look at.

"uhm.. nothing really im fine..thanks" he said and smiled at Shizuo. they stared at each other for a long moment, before they heard the door swung open. Izaya stared at the man who came in, he had glasses and he's a young doctor Izaya thought and tilted his head.

"Shinra!" Shizuo stood up and greeted Shinra who waved at him.

"really Shizuo, they thought im one of the doctors here"

"well you look like one" he laughed. He was really glad Shinra was here. Izaya stared at the man called Shinra and tilted his head, Shizuo dragged Shinra towards izaya.

"Izaya this is Shinra.. a friend."  
Shinra narrowed his gaze at izaya before replacing his sour expression with a cheery smile "hello Izaya~ im Shinra Kishitani, we went to the same school in middle school and high school, so basically you me and Shizuo are all classmates in Highschool~" he chirped and looked at izaya as he tilted his head. Izaya looked at Shinra and Shizuo before smiling "ah I see, that's why you both make me comfortable". He rested his right arm on his lap as he smiled.  
Shinra looked at izaya _a complete stranger in my front, izaya never let his mask slip, nor act kind_. Shinra blinked not noticing that Shizuo dashed forward catching the Informant who almost fell into his bed in an attempt of reaching the water in the bedside table, luckily Shizuo was able to catch him. The raven leaned on the broad chest of the bartender, he looked up a small blush crept on his face again.

"sorry and thank you"

"tsk! Next time call me okay?"

"okay.. but.. aren't I bothering you?" he asked and lay down again. The bartender sat beside the bed and brushed his fingers on the raven locks as he smiled.

"you never were a bother to me.. now rest"

Izaya smiled and leaned on the touch before closing his eyes, loving the touch he was receiving and finally went back to sleep.

Shinra stared at them, he stared as Shizuo kept running his fingers on the raven locks a smile was forming on the bartender's lips as the informant nuzzled at his touch. Shinra sighed and pushed his glasses further.

"somehow I feel bad about this.


	4. Chapter 4

**_Three months and sixteen days before the accident._**

"Izaya?"

"nn?"

"is there anything you want?" Shizuo asked as he looked at the informant sitting across him reading a book , it's been almost three weeks since he confessed, three weeks that Izaya accepted it and three weeks that he didn't heard his reply of the same words he said.

"you being silent while I read, is that hard for a protozoan?" the raven set his book down and looked at the blond bartender.

"okay, continue reading then, I"ll prepare dinner, are you gonna stay here tonight?" he asked as he strolled towards the kitchen preparing dinner, he hoped the informant would stay, sometimes he would since they started going out.

"no thanks I lost interest on what im reading thanks to you, and yes I'll stay im rather tired to go home" he threw away the book and looked at the blond as he started to cook. "Shizu-chan, do you really love me~?" he teased and smiled at the other male, a malicious smile. Shizuo growled and glared at the raven.

"don't make me say it again flea." He said as he fried some fish. Feeling something weird he looked back and saw the informant staring at him. "what?!"

"it's funny to think that you love me so much that you even do chores for me~ it's flattering .. what if I live here? "

"you.. live here?" Shizuo's world brightened at that words and he strolled to the raven before hugging him tight.

"you really mean that?" he smiled and nuzzled at the informant's neck. Izaya felt uncomfortable and he pried the blond away from him.

"yeah.. yeah so back off a bit" he said and rolled his eyes.

"Izaya you didn't know how much you made me happy.. Izaya, I love you" he looked at the informant and leaned closer to kiss him, but the said raven backed away and sat down on the chair.

"im hungry.. and you'll burn what you are cooking"

"oh.. yeah" he smiled and turned around to take the plates but a frown was replaced on his face, he never get a response and it's nothing new and he endured it at least he was making a progress right? At least they could talk normally without threatening each other .

The dinner was silent and was finished early as Izaya stood up and headed to the blond's bedroom.

"good night brute~" he said before shutting the door and left the bartender on the living room, he sleeps in the couch everytime izaya is in his house. He thought he might be sleeping in the couch if izaya lives with him right? With a sigh he walks over the bedroom door and leaned his forehead into it.

"good night izaya…. I hope to hear those words from you someday".

_**in a certain Hospital, present time.**_

"Izaya?"

"yes?"

"is there anything you want?" Shizuo asked as he sat down beside the informant who was watching tv, it's been three weeks after the accident and he was recovering well, though his memory was still blank the doctors finally removed his cast on his right hand. But he still can't move it properly.

"apple..please" he looked at the fruits on the side table and smiled.

"sure" the blond bartender smiled and grabbed an apple peeling it and handing it to the informant, he looked at the other male as he took the apple and starts to take a bite, for the past three weeks he is the one who took care of izaya and they had become closer, he would talk about how they hate each other and how they fight, but he never mentioned to Izaya of what kind of a person he was, he never mentioned that they were in fact dating , he told lies and fed the informant's blank mind of lies, lies that he was a good person, lies that he had many friends and lies that are all truth in izaya's mind. For three weeks he saw the Izaya he never saw, the Izaya that smiles, laugh, giggle and an Izaya that is so innocent.

"Shizuo? is something bothering you?" izaya asked as he sat up properly and looked at the blond. Izaya was always worried when Shizuo put that face, he was thinking so deeply and he looked so sad, he hated it, he hated to see the blond frown like that. Shizuo was kind and always looking for him. It felt weird that he wanted to see the blond always, he liked it when he was around, he liked it when he touch him, ruffling his hair and rubbing circles on his hand. And now seeing the one important person he met after he lost his memory frown and in deep thought he couldn't help but wonder. "Shizuo?"

"im sorry, what is it Iz? Another apple?"

"no.. what's wrong?" he asked and tilted his head.

"nothing.. just thinking things.. ah the doctor said you could go home"

"really? That's good.. uhm. Shizuo?"

"yes?"

"I just noticed this, it seems that you are the only person whose visited me, Shinra did once but he didn't even talk to me, Shizuo I might have lost my memory but I can see that you are the only one who took care of me. where's my family?"  
Shizuo sighed and looked at the informant as he shifted uncomfortably in the bed. _This flea is still smart_."the truth is Izaya I don't know , I never did saw them, though you're sisters sent some flowers every week when you were in comma but then it suddenly stopped for some reason, I don't know " he said and ruffled the informants hair. "im sorry, that's all I know".

"no it's fine, I can manage on my own in my house."

"no, I'll take you home, there I could watch over you "

"a..are you sure? Won't I be a bother?" Izaya blinked and tilted his head, he wondered why shizuo is doing this, if they hate each other as he said then why is he doing this? Izaya's thoughts trailed as he felt soft and big hands wrapped around his own small ones.

"you are never a bother to me Izaya,remember that? Okay? That's the fact that you should never forget" the blond said and squeezed the small hands he was holding, but not that hard he need to watch out for his strength from now on, he doesn't want to scare Izaya.  
Izaya's insides churned at the words he heard, his blood rushed straight through his cheeks not long enough a hue of pink covered his cheeks. "o..okay" he murmured and looked back at the television to distract himself.

"Shizuo!"  
they both looked at the door and saw Shinra made his way inside the room. Izaya blinked Shinra didn't even recognize him as he entered, but it's nothing new though he can feel that Shinra is faking in his front, he can feel that the brunette was there for Shizuo and not for him, last time he brought his girlfriend as he said, Celty. She seemed kind but distant at Izaya as well and he noticed it. He wondered why.

"ah I heard Izaya could go home right?" he chirped and placed another set of fruits in the bedside table, Shizuo nodded and smiled.

"yes and he is staying at my place."

"what! Shizuo I thou-" Shinra stopped as shizuo gave him a glare, a glare that was saying 'shut up or your dead' kind of glare .the bespectacled male shut his mouth immediately and sighed. "Shizuo I need to talk to you.."

"later.. I need to go and see the doctors" he said as he stood up and ruffled the informant's hair "I'll be back" he then headed straight to the door avoiding Shinra and his interview about the matter. "Shinra watch the flea for me".

Shinra sighed and rubbed his head before facing the informant handing him a book. he visited izaya thrice, today would be the forth, as he noticed Izaya was acting not like his usual self a really different person, he had to admit half of him was glad that he lost his memory at least he was least pain in the ass, but half of him doesn't like it because of Shizuo. Shizuo had been drawn into this Izaya, much more drawn that he might actually drown into it.

"here.." izaya looked up at him and took the book from Shinra.

"thank you"

"you like reading that, about humans.. how you blurt out that you love, love humans" Shinra said and raised his hand in the air.

"humans huh?" the raven raised a brow and opened the book. "shinra.. you don't have to pretend you like seeing me, I know you don't and I don't mean to be rude." Izaya said and closed the book after a quick scan and placed it on his lap. Shinra smiled a true genuine smile and crossed his arms.

"you may have lost your memory but you're observation skills is still sharp as a knife"

"uhmm.. I just want to know why you are so uncomfortable being with me"

"It's not yet time for you to know about it and it's better if you don't for a moment, I rather not say anything" he said as he arranged the fruits in the side table."though I had one request from you.."

"what would that be?"

"don't hurt him again" Shinra said looking at the raven seriously.

"I don't understand wh-"

"Iz! I got some ootoro! I saw Simon selling it outside when I was smoking so I bought one for you, you like them right?" Shizuo's presence came inside the room, the conversation died immediately. Izaya smiled.

"yes, thank you Shizuo"

"izaya's preference in food hasn't changed at all~" shinra chirped and sat on the edge of the smiled and set the food on the table and looked around. "oh I'll get some water " he said before standing up and went across the room. Shinra strolled and took a piece of ootoro as he leaned close to Izaya.

"but you know what my disappointment at you is starting to lessen, I never saw that guy smile like this."  
izaya smiled and looked at Shizuo as he went back a glass of water on his hands and looked at the raven informant.

"we are going home tomorrow"


	5. Chapter 5

**_uhmm.. yeah heres the chapter five and thank you all for the review, once again forgive me in three things, one is the grammar and two is the character being so ooc and three the way Izaya explains his idea, because ive been really trying to get izaya's logistic terms and ideas so please forgive me if you see some flaws in it, and well enjoy~ _**

In an apartment in Shinjuku  
three months before the accident

A brunette woman strode towards the elevator, gripping her shoulder bag in hand. She sighed as she stepped out the elevator door and faced a certain door, now she had to face his psycho employer. Namie Yagiri opened the door and entered her new work place, after the incident on the dollars she started to work for Izaya Orihara as a secretary. She had no complains about the work really and her pay check is always in time, her only complains is her employer. Looking around she noticed some huge bags in the living room, by noticing this Namie placed her bag on her desk and strolled towards the living room.

"where is that bastard?" she murmured and crossed her arms.  
"ahh Namie-san~" Izaya greeted as he walked down the stairs and skipped in her front "you are early"  
Namie just shrugged and looked at the bags then to Izaya and raised a brow. "what's this?"

"im moving out~" Izaya said and patted the bag and went to his desk, shuffling some papers

"out? Out where?" her gaze followed the informant.

"ahaha… why you will miss me?"

"never! im just making sure you will pay me"

"fret not Namie-san .. your pay check will be the same as usual" Izaya said and swirled his chair facing the huge window he had. The streets were already busy even early in the morning, he had said to the protozoan that he will live in his apartment, he just blurted it out in the conversation and when he got back home he regretted that idea. He could have just said 'oh sorry I changed my mind' but then again another thought crossed his mind he could fool the stupid brute more and he could hurt him more maybe not physically but emotionally and mentally. Well that is one fragile thing humans had, but then again Shizuo is a monster right? His brow furrows at that.

"let me guess you will live with that Heiwajima right?"  
the informant's thoughts were interrupted by the female voice he heard, turning his chair around he faced Namie and smirked.

"Alas! How did you found out?"

"tsk… I feel bad about him, now it makes me wonder how he loved a bastard like you"

"aww~ that's mean Namie "

"If you really hate him why are you dating him? And now you are going to live with him"  
Izaya just smirked and rested his chin on his hand and stared at Namie. "to break him.. I have given up killing him or hurting him physically it's no use! My knife won't even reach his gut and bullets are nothing…. So when I found out he likes me I will try an emotional breakdown" he grinned. Namie glared at him, _bastard, no wonder no one likes you_.

"you know sometimes people fall for their own trick" namie countered. Izaya raised a brow and tapped the desk with his index finger.

"nah~ impossible, I hate Shizu-chan so much you know, that is impossible and falling for that monster is the last thing that I would do. "

"if you really hate the guy, you should have killed him when you got the chance, poisoning for example"

"Namie-san.. where was the fun in that? Yes it's true I hate Shizu-chan, but there is something in him that captured my interest. That kind of feeling is weird and I want him to die because I hate him but at the same time I want him alive because he amuses me.. more like…. I'm taking my time with him, Shizu-chan is probably one of the toys I enjoy playing with, who knows when will I get bored but if that happens then it's time to throw your old toy and buy new one"

Namie sighed and rubbed his temples. "you are one sneaky bastard , the person loved you, you know" She crossed her arms and walked towards her desk. Izaya contemplated for a moment. "love?" he murmured and rubbed his chin.

"Love huh?"

"yes, love…I bet you don't know anything about it" she said as she shuffled through the stack of papers in her desk. Izaya tilted his head and thought for a moment.

"heh~ you are so talkative today Namie-san.. you know love is… something that could led you to your own failure, it's like a quicksand, once you've stepped into it the chances of escape is futile, it will slowly drag you down, it's either you help yourself or other may help you. But alas! Humans are interesting so might I say that they allowed themselves to be devoured by such thing called as love, as for me I would never allow such a thing to happen because I look through possibilities before stepping into that sand unlike other people who sacrifices themselves for such trivial emotion, saying that they can't live without the certain person they love that's impossible right? "  
Namie scoffed and faced her boss with a furrowed eyebrow.

"and you call yourself the human loving psychopath.. you don't even know what love is. Love is something unexpected, even if you are careful, once you fell there is no escape"

"like what you are to your brother? Actually I can't call your love a 'Love' because all I can see is obsession to your little brother… you know that's the main reason why you are working for me now, sacrificing everything your company, your name..you are just like his stalker you know, but you are stalking in a different way I shou- "

"don't drag my brother here!"

_oh she snapped_.

"oh sorry I was just making explanations" Izaya smirked as his secretary shoot him a glare that would have killed.

"tell me Izaya do you know what love is?"

"love? Love is when you feel a strong feeling of attachment to other person, giving all your devotion, trust and all your being to whom you strongly feel an affection be it in a manner of—"

"im not asking a dictionary based definition of love, Orihara Izaya what is love for you?"

_what is love for me?_ the question swirled in his mind like a runner in a marathon mile contemplating the question he didn't noticed that it was being asked several minutes ago. really what is love for him? It's the most easiest word yet hard to comprehend, if you look through things its really easy to explain but for Izaya it's hard. It's one word that he always avoided to encounter yet it's also the word that he always use.  
_I love humans_ .

"oh looks like you can't answer " Namie smirked and stood up facing her boss "let me answer that for you"  
Izaya shoot daggers of glare at her before he smiled and leaned closer ."go ahead"

"the answer would be 'I don't know', because you had never been in love and never been loved " with that said Namie headed to the kitchen she's never been proud of herself.

"that's mean Namie-san" Izaya said as he leaned and swirled his chair to face the window. "so mean" .  
Namie sighed and looked at the informant in his chair. Of course she noticed the strained voice of her employer.  
"I'm going to Shizu -chan's now bye~"

In a certain apartment in Ikebukuro  
four weeks after the awakening.

"im sorry if the place is well…it's small but I guess it's fine just say something if you need anything." Shizuo said scratching the back of his head as he placed the bag on the floor. Izaya looked around the place, it's sort of familiar, he slowly walked and sat on the couch.

"it's fine Shizuo, your place is great, not to small not that big, I like it" he smiled and once again looked at the place.

"oh are you hungry? You need water? If you want to rest I could take you to the bedroom" the blond shuffled through the bag when he felt a light tug on his sleeve Izaya giggled and smiled at him. "calm down, okay… im fine I don't need anything just.. sit down here and relax"  
Shizuo blinked and smiled rubbing his head as he plopped next to the informant. "sorry, I just want you to be comfortable" he sighed and looked at the raven, he liked this sitting this close to izaya it felt so comforting knowing that the other won't shove him away or leave him. This is the closest distance that he sat with Izaya on a couch, because three months ago he can't even cuddle the informant.  
Izaya slowly leaned his head on the blond's broad shoulder, it was comfortable, the scent and the feeling were so familiar as if he's known it very well. It's so weird that he liked being close to Shizuo he felt safe. Shizuo flinched a bit but soon relaxes as he turned the tv on and breathed the scent of the raven locks that is tickling his cheeks.

"it's an interesting show" izaya commented as he looked at the TV.

"think so? You didn't change in your tastes, you always watch this show" Shizuo said as he nuzzled at the raven locks and smiled.

"really?" he smiled and looked at his bandaged left foot.

"don't worry the doctors said you can take it off for the next couple of days and you just need to practice walking." Shizuo smiled "by the way tomorrow we will have a small hotpot, just to celebrate your recovery"  
a light flickered on the informant's eyes as he looked at Shizuo "really? That's great" he mumbled and looked at the book Shinra gave him, it actually interest him but still a lot of question swirled in his mind like:  
_why is Shinra so cold at me?  
what does he mean by don't hurt him?  
why is it no one visited me aside from shizuo and shinra?  
why is it shizuo is so kind to me?  
what's my real relationship with shizuo?_  
izaya sighed as he rubbed his head, things had been so bad, it's been four weeks and he can't remember anything yet, and it frustrates him, Shizuo noticed Izaya's silence and faced the informant

"Iz? Are you alright? You spaced out a moment ago" Shizuo asked worriedly and frowns. "is something bothering you?"

"hmm.. yes. I had a lot of questions"

"I understand, you can ask me"  
izaya hesitated for a moment before talking a deep breath "why is Shinra is cold towards me?"

"he is not"

"Shizuo I just lost my memory im not an idiot I know he doesn't like me" he gave him a face as he blinked and waited for an answer. SHizuo sighed and rubbed the back of his head as he looked at Izaya.

"listen, Shinra likes you ok? It's just that something happen before the accident that's why"

"can you tell me what happen? Me and shinra? The accident? You?"

"Iz, you don't have to rush" he murmured not sure if he was telling that to the raven or he was trying to convince himself, he doesn't want izaya to remember everything so fast, it will hurt him.

"im sorry, im just so eager to know" he looked down and fidgeted his shirt as he looked at Shizuo.

"then perhaps you can answer this question ?"

"what question?"

"what are you to me? what are we? We clearly we aren't just friends Shizuo, this is too much help for a friend.. _what are we?"_ Izaya looked at him with all sincerity and waited for his answer. Shizuo clenches his fist and took a deep breath and finally answered.

"we are lovers"


	6. Chapter 6

_**there are wonderful people that reviewed and i thank you all for that! please enjoy reading the next chapter thank you~  
sorry for the late update it was so scary i can't acces through my account here, i thought im going to go all over on posting it again but thank all the gods in heaven i finally accessed it . **_

_**please enjoy! and once again i don't own Durarara it belongs to their respectful owner Narita i praise you!**_

**In an apartment in Ikebukuro**  
**three months ago before the accident**

_What is love?_  
The words his damn secretary had said was still invading his brain, even when he went through SHizuo's apartment his thoughts were bugged by that question, like a virus that damaged his computer, Izaya's brain was in complete scanning, scanning for the right answer to the stupid question.

"tch! Damn Namie! Heh~ I wonder if I should cut her pay check in half" the informant murmured as he walked through the familiar hallway of the monster's apartment. Standing in front of the door he shrugged and knocked the door and waited standing on the hallway carrying his bag he still waited and made another knock, he heard a low growl and waited again. But the stupid brute won't open the damn door and his patience is getting in his nerves he kicked harder until he finally heard footsteps.

"WHAT THE-!" Shizuo opened the door with wide eyes as he saw the informant standing on his doorway, tilting his head he blinked. "I thought you'll arrive this afternoon.."

Izaya walked passed him and leisurely strolled to the living room and dropped his bag as he plopped down. "I change my mind, is that bad?" he smirked and stretches, letting some of his sore bones crack and sighed in relief.

"no.. it's not, it's just that it's too early I haven't prepared breakfast.." Shizuo said awkwardly. Izaya looked back at Shizuo and just noticed that Shizuo still had his bed hair and white t shirt and just his boxers, izaya looked at him and realized that he had woken the brute up.

"heh~ you are still asleep at this hour?" izaya raised a brow as he took his jacket off.

"tch! You are awake at this time? It's 6:30 am " he grumbled and smiled as he leaned closer to the raven and ruffled his hair.

"good mo-"

"don't!" Izaya swatted the blond's hand away as he shifted his position, uncomfortable of being touched. "don't touch me so leisurely ok?" he rolled his eyes and leaned back on the couch. Shizuo clenched his fist and backed away.

"mm.. sorry" he murmured and headed to the kitchen with a frown on his face, stretching his slender frame he prepared to cook and looked at the lying raven on the couch. he was happy that izaya was there, at the same time he felt sad if this continues to be like this, will he be able to take it? He asked himself and sighed. Grabbing the pan he prepared their breakfast .

Glancing at the lying raven in the couch he placed the last plate of bacon on the table before heading towards the informant. Pausing as he realized that izaya was fast asleep in the couch curling into a ball, Shiuzo starred at him for a moment and smiled _if only the flea would look like this every day_ he thought and crouched down, izaya looked so innocent Shizuo thought again as he released a sigh.

"you look so innocent you damn flea, sleeping like this so carelessly" he murmured as he brushed the raven locks that was covering his dark lashes. "it makes me remember why I fell for you" he added and stood up stretching as he went back to the kitchen with a small smile tugging on his lips unknown to him that crimson eyes slowly fluttered open as he left.

"Stupid brute"

**In the streets of Ikebukuro**  
**three days after Izaya got out the hospital.**

"how was everything?" a tan tall man asked beside Shizuo as they strolled the city, pushing his glasses as he looked at the blond man beside him.

"everything is fine Izaya is doing fine as well" Shizuo flicked his lighter as he took a drag of his cancer stick, "by the way sorry for all those day off I asked, promise I'll make it up "  
Tanaka Tom smiled and patted Shizuo's shoulder "it's fine, I understand your situation" he stopped and checked his watch looking at Shizuo, "well, let's call it off for today,"

Shizuo looked at tom with curious stare and checked his watch "it's still early" he said and raised a brow, usually they end up too late, but Shizuo thought it was his lucky day today he promised the flea a hot pot party between them.

"oh okay you don't want too?"

"no! I mean just wondering"  
Tom chuckled and waved goodbye "I know you have to be somewhere"  
Shizuo smiled at how lucky he was to have an employer like tom, shaking his head he went inside a store, buying all the ingredients he needed. Shizuo wondered what izaya was doing, the flea asked if he could go out and see the city but the blond refused, first Izaya still needs to rest to recover , second he its too dangerous, knowing the flea had lots of enemies who will take advantage of his current situation. The blond bartender pay the cashier with a warm smile before leaving the store, he was in the fine mood and he hoped it will last for the day, he needs to control his anger specially in front of Izaya he don't want to scare him if he found out about his strength. _I wonder if he would call me monster if he found out?_ Shizuo thought and looked down as he made his way to his apartment remembering the talk they had before going to sleep last night.

_three days ago  
_

"_what are you to me? what are we? We clearly we aren't just friends Shizuo, this is too much help for a friend.. what are we?" Izaya looked at him with all sincerity and waited for his answer. Shizuo clenches his fist and took a deep breath and finally answered.  
_

_"we are lovers"  
Izaya stared at him and blink trying to process what he heard.  
_

_"what? that does disgust you?"  
_

_"no! no it's not, I was just well thinking, im a…" Izaya trailed blushing a bot as he scratched his cheeks "nevermind" he smiled "uhmm im sorry"  
Shizuo blinked and faced the informant "uh.. why are you saying sorry?"  
_

_"well because it must be rude of me that I don't remember anything about you, when you are specially my lover"  
_

_"no, it's fine, I understand Izaya you do-" Shizuo stopped on when Izaya took both of his hands and held it.  
_

_"I promise! i.. I will act more like a lover to you" he smiled and squeezed the blond's hand. Shizuo blushed at the contact and smiled before pulling the informant in a tight embrace.  
_

"Shizuo!"  
Shizuo looked behind him and saw the black rider along with the bespectacled doctor, the blond stopped on his tracks carrying his groceries. "Celty! Shinra!" he waved and smiled at them as they halt beside Shizuo.

"hello Shizuo!" Shinra chirped behind his helmet and as Celty waved at him. "Im going to visit Izaya to check him, oh whats with those bags?" Shinra pointed at the grocery bags Shizuo was carrying. Shizuo raised the bag and smiled at them.

"ah well I promised the flea hotpot so I bought these"

[good timing then] celtty showed her PDA as she looked at Shizuo and took the bag of groceries [let's go then] she said and motioned Shizuo to climb up her bike_._

Izaya sighed as he flipped through the channels of the television, clearly bored as he stares at his bandaged ankle. He can barely walk but he knew in time he will and he can't wait for that, sitting all day is boring and walking with the assistance of the furniture isn't appealing either. The informant starred at the tv which Shizuo said, his favourite, indeed it was interesting and speaking off the blond.

"Shizuo…" he sighed and kept on glancing at the door , he missed the blond and from knowing everything three days ago his face flushed as a small smile graced his features. Jerking up he heard a gruff voice and familiar footsteps approaching. Standing up he grab a hold of the couch as he limped towards the door holding into the shoe rack near it. The door went open and he saw Shizuo's surprised face.

"izaya?"

"welcome home Shizuo!" he smiled and was trying hard to maintain his balance, Shizuo leaned and wrapped a protective arm around izaya's waist. "I told you don't move around right?"

"I just want to welcome you properly beca-" he trailed off as he blinked curiously when he saw a woman on a black biker suit behind her was Shinra.

"hello izaya!" he chirped and noticed Izaya's confused expression. "oh by the way this is Celty, my beloved wife and el-" SHinra stopped as Celty elbowed him in the stomach.

"celty?" izaya asked and flinched when the said woman showed him a device which had writings on it, Izaya read carefully and blinked. Is says [im Celty Shizuo's friend I work for you as well]

"you work for me?" he asked and was amused when the helmet moved indicating a nod.

"well I think its much more casual to talk in the living room than the doorway ne?~" Shinra said as he skipped past them placing the groceries on the counter, looking back he frowned when he saw SHizuo helping izaya to walk.

"tsk, tsk Izaya you don't have to force yourself to walk, it will strain your injury more" SHinra sighed and followed izaya as he sat on the couch. "I'll check and change its bandage ok?"Izaya nodded and looked at Shizuo who was starting to prepare the ingredients for the hot pot, Celty was helping him out.

"what is that Shizuo?"

"I promised you a hotpot right? So im doing it" Shizuo smiled. Celty looked at him and back to izaya who smiled sweetly.

"thank you" he said and looked back to Shinra. Shizuo saw Celty shuddered as she chopped the meat.

"whats wrong Celty?" Shizuo raised a brow and he figured he might startled her because of the jerk she made and stared to type.

[its just so strange seeing izaya so kind and… and innocent, I feel like it was another person or an alien took over his body]  
shizuo chuckled and patted her back to relief her worries about aliens taking over Izaya's body, because if there is he won't last a day with Shizuo, the flea was his one way or another.

"you will get used to it" he smiled as he glanced at the living room where izaya was giggling on Shinra's lame jokes.

[are you?] celty followed his gaze and typed again [Shinra said he can't bear to hate izaya now, he already forgave him about what happen to you]

"celty its long time ago, really what's up with you guys" he shook his head as he went back chopping some vegetables.

[shizuo, we are just concern, Izaya did something terrible to you and because of that you almost.. almost died] if she had a head she was probably frowning by the slump of her shoulders, Shizuo sighed and placed both of his hand on Celty's shoulder.

"its fine Celty, like I said it happened a long time ago, he's changed and everything will be fine" he smiled.

[but shizuo he will eventually get his memories back soon, do you really think he will stay like that? He might remember everything in one snap of a finger] celty looked at Shizuo as he clenched the knife's handle that it bended on his tight grip, for once celty was afraid of Shizuo even when she heard his response, she got even more scared.

"I can't… I won't let that happen if I had to twist everything, I would"


	7. Chapter 7

_**oh my God! i forgot about this! im deciding now if i should make this longer than i intended to or just make it shorter, just tell me any suggestions i need it. and thank you for still reading this, i hope you lovely humans out there will review. :3**_

* * *

In an apartment on Ikebukuro  
three months before the accident

The silence in the dining table was looming around the two figures who was eating silently, Shizuo starred at the informant it's been two weeks since they lived together, but it still feels like living alone. Shizuo starred at the informant across him who was eating his ootoro with delight, he couldn't help but get jealous of the food. It seems the Ootoro is enough to make the raven happy and while the blonde was trying all his best to make the infprmant happy. a small smile was on Izaya's features as he continued to eat swinging his foot under the table, the blond notices how childish izaya is, he figured out some things in the raven, like he always hum a unfamiliar song while showering or washing the dishes, rolling on the bed and whines how boring his house was and the way he pouts was so cute. So it frustrates him that he could only smile so truthfully because of the damn ootoro. Standing up Shizuo went to the fridge.

"ah Shizu-chan I'll cook tomorrow is there anything edible there?" the informant asked as he continued to munch his food. Shizuo bent down and inspects his fridge before grabbing a fish.

"here, how about this?" Shizuo showed the raven the raw head of a fish beside the plate of ootoro "you can fry it or something what do you—oi flea?"

"uwah! Could you get that thing away from me!" jerking away from his food he scooted on the counter. "no I change my mind I won't cook tomorrow so..yeah."

"what's wrong with you?" Shizuo grabbed the plate and looked at the informant.

"don't! come near me….with that disgusting thing.."

"hah? Ohhh this?"Shizuo said as he raised the plate with a smirk on his face as he leaned close to izaya and showed him the fish.

"no! you brute!" Izaya ran towards the living room as he tried to avoid shizuo who was following his tracks, his hands behind his back. "Shizu-chan! Stop!" the raven growled as he ran back to the kitchen. Shizuo smirked and grabbed the flea's hand and yanked him but the raven was so persistent on his escape that his he twisted and fell on the floor with shizuo hovering over him. Chuckling Shizuo smiled, Izaya noticed that Shizuo isn't bringing the head of the fish while chasing him. The raven looked up to meet Shizuo's intense gaze at him. They are so close.. so close for his own liking and he needs to get away from this situation! Izaya tried to look away but he can't, he can't avoid the honey colored eyes of the monster above him. As Shizuo closed their distance together by a kiss Izaya's eyes went wide as he stared at the ceiling trying to process what happened. His body tensed immediately as he tried to get away, pushing the huge monster above him was still pointless since he can't pry him off. His protest were soon cut off as Shizuo slid his hand under his shirt that made him gasp, which the blond took an opportunity to push his tongue past the raven's small lips. The explore was on set as shizuo lavished the hot cavern of the informant earning a muffled moan from the smaller man. The kiss was long until both of them were breathless Shizuo pushed away and looked at the flushed face underneath him with a small smile.  
"ge…get off me!"izaya yelled as he pushed Shizuo away and use the time to run to his room and closed it  
"this should stop already, I should stop this before my plan will flip back to me"

A month after the accident  
Shizu-chan's apartment.

Its been months and his memory was still void and he was feeling so down there just small fragments that he can remember and even that was useless to find a clue of who he was. Swinging his feet on the couch he sighed, his injured foot is doing fine yet he can't get out of the house, Shizuo won't let him because he said it was dangerous and he trusted shizuo so he obeyed, even though he really wanted to go out, this past few days he told the bartender that he sometimes saw himself in a roof top looking down, observing the people below, that was most of his memories, so he wanted to go outside. He wanted to explore outside this apartment for once then maybe he could remember more. Standing he wrote a note saying he went outside and would come back to prepare dinner. Looking at the note again he stick it to the fridge and went to grab a coat as he went out the house, he walked and walked to the streets and looked around as if it was his first time in a carnival. The city was huge and lots of people around. It felt nostalgic as if his feet knew where it was taking him. Walking through the crowd he couldn't help but feel a bit uncomfortable by the stares of the people around him, they are looking at him with such emotions in their eyes, disgust, hatred and fear? But why? He couldn't help but wonder why was it because of who he was? But Shizuo told him he worked on a office and had many debt that people are looking after him that's why he had an accident because he was being chased by one of those people. Though it seemed a bit unconvincing but he had nothing to hold on has he?

Izaya shook his head for the tenth time now, he needs to shake off those silly thoughts he had, standing up from the park that he was currently sitting, he checked his watch and saw how late it is.

"oh my! Shizu-chan might be waiting for me" he ran and find his way to the apartment but before he could reach the next block a hand yanked him from the road and into a small alley.

"Orihara Izaya you will pay for what you've done"  
izaya stared blankly at the man who stood before him. "let me go! Who are you!" he tried to pry away from the man and looked around for escape.

"who am i? you are asking who am i? I am one of your play things, you ruined my family set my company to bankruptcy that is why im here! Living like a rat in the streets while you are living in a luxurious life? I thought you died you bastard." He grinned and shoved the raven down the ground with a loud thud. "what? take your knife out. Where are your sassy remarks huh?"  
Izaya just stared at the man unable to formulate a word as he backed away; fear danced in his eyes, questions swirled in his mind.

_who is he?  
_

_who is that man?  
_

_why did he hate him so much?  
_

_what did he do?  
_

_why did he ruin the man's life?  
_

_who really is he?  
_

"DIE!" the man raised his knife as he made his strike. Izaya closed his eyes already prepared to accept the fate he was about to face. Images and scenes flashed before him, scenes where he was running while laughing, he looked so happy as he ran but who is he running from? Why is he running like there was no tomorrow suddenly a vending machine came flying, in his memory he dodged the heavy object with ease but as he opened his eyes reality came flashing back right in front of him, and what he saw made his blood rush, adrenaline suddenly came into his system as he saw a vending machine flew above his head and hit the man who was about to attack him.

"wha.."

"I told you not to leave the house!" a growl was heard behind him, Izaya looked back to see SHizuo clenching his fist in hard ball, he was clearly upset and angry. Izaya wanted to rest his head on the blonde's chest like he always do when he feels a sudden headache, but now he was afraid and just decided to hug himself and cry. He was scared he was afraid and he doesn't know what to do.

Shizuo stared at the raven who was whimpering softly small tears were starting to seeped out his crimson eyes. Shizuo was angry really angry but his anger died as he saw the crying raven, it hurts to see the other cry so Shizuo calmed himself before walking towards his lover.

"izaya.." he pulled the smaller male close to him and hugged him, that's where the raven started to sob.

"im.. im sorry Shizuo.. i..it won't happen again" he gripped the blonde's shirt as he cried hard that night, all his fears he released it and clung to Shizuo with his dear life until he passed out.  
Shizuo stared at the lithe body in his arms as he carried the informant back to his apartment. He almost lost izaya before and he can't afford to lose this izaya now. Placing izaya on the bed he looked at him and stroked his cheek. This izaya is the one he wanted to be, the izaya who showed him love and affection, this izaya that welcomes him every time he came from work with a large smile on his face. The Izaya that nuzzles against him, the one that sleeps beside him and smiled for him. Shizuo knew it was selfish of him, so selfish but he wished izaya would never gain his memory again.

"can you stay like this forever flea?"  
he murmured silently as he brushed the raven locks. Izaya was his only love, no matter how twisted his love is, izaya will be his life and he will make damn sure that izaya would remain as to what he was right now, if he had to twist everything he would because he loved him so much and.  
Izaya was** HIS** alone.

Izaya woke up and rubbed his eyes blinking a second he realized he was on Shizuo's bed, sitting up he looked around to find the blond but there was no sign of him. Deciding to stand up he froze and stared in awe at his wrist and looked at his ankle. He was chained, a long chain was on his ankle and to the bed posts, his hands were cuffed the chains were long enough for him to move freely but still out of the doors reach, looking at the locked door of the room a thought was only swimming on his head.

"why are you doing this Shizuo?"


	8. Chapter 8

A month before the accident

-certain street in Ikebukuro

A blond bartender was strolling the streets of Ikebukuro As he went along with is employer Tom Tanaka, following the dreadlock guy he remained silent and pocketed his hands on his pants. With a sigh he pushed his blue tinted glasses up and blinked a couple of times as another wave of nausea hit him again. With a groan he saw the place waved and he stood still for a moment. These past few days he always encounters such throbbing headaches and the feeling of throwing up.

"Shizuo? are you alright? You look pale " his employer noted as he looked at the blond.

"im fine Tom-san lets go and finish the job" Shizuo sighed and continued to walk staggering a looked sceptical and followed the swaying blond.

"Shizuo I think you need a break today go to Shinra or something I noticed this past few days that you look so pale and exhausted."

Shizuo groaned and stopped as he looked back at his employer. "im not sick that is ridiculous.. i.." he rubbed his temples as he saw two dreadlock men standing in his front. Why are they two? Walking backwards the ex-bartender slipped into the darkness.  
panic shot through Tom's system as he looked at the blond who was lying unconsciously on the ground. Fishing his phone he was grateful that he got the underground doctor's number that Shizuo had given him for emergency such as this.

Meanwhile the informant was on one of his meetings when his phone vibrated on his jacket pocket, finishing the phone he looked at the name displayed and  
raised a brow. "shinra?" he murmured and excused himself as he walked out of the building.

"Shinra? Why did you call?"

"Izaya, Shizuo is here he fainted im still examining him and it seems dangerous" SHinra said through panic and ended the phone maybe he went back to the blond. A smirk graced on Izaya's feature as he went to stroll towards the underground doctor's apartment. There will be a show today he knew that and he can't wait to participate on it. finally he will be able to let go of the invisible chains that the blond on him, it bend and break now. Arriving at the apartment he opened the door to Shinra's place and as he reached the living room he was met by a strong punch that made him fell on the floor, wiping the corner of his lips he saw the blood and looked up to see Shinra glare at him with pure hatred.

"I never thought you would cross this line Izaya" he spat and clenched his fist. Izaya stared at his friend dumbfounded, he expected the punch, but not from Shinra, but to Shizuo or Celty.

"whatever you mean Shinra" Izaya stood up and dusted himself.

"I thought you love him! You are together for long! Shizuo was happy! And how could y-"

"do you really expect me to love a monster such as him? No! im bound to my humans and not to some monster" a smirk was present on the informant as he saw Shizuo standing on the doorway on the other room without the other noticing him. "ah right, how could I love him, I was just playing with him and it did well"

"so poisoning him is another game for you?"

"yes.. I do poison his breakfast every day, day by day I poured small amount to see the effects, to see him suffer.. and it was fun! It was so much fun!" Izaya laughed and looked up at the ceiling as he saw Shizuo's pained expression he was free, he can leave the apartment now, he can be back to his humans, he can do what he wanted but why.. something is wrong. He felt empty it wasn't as satisfying as he expected there was something lacking and he felt other emotions swirled through him but before he could continue his laughing fit a loud slap was heard inside the room. Izaya blinked and looked at the dullahan whose shadow was starting to get spiky.

[leave before I kill you]

"AHAHAHAHA! Then why don't you do it!" the informant challenged, and without hesitation Celty raised her scythe and made a strike but she halted his movement as Shizuo stood in front of Izaya.

"don't!"

Izaya growled and started to walk towards the door to leave not even bothering to look back at the voice calling his name.

"Izaya there is something I want to ask you if you will just listen to me ro-" the voice faded as Izaya went and ran away from the apartment.

-2 months after the accident.  
-in a certain room apartment on Ikebukuro

Izaya woke up and rubbed his eyes blinking a second he realized he was on Shizuo's bed, sitting up he looked around to find the blond but there was no sign of him. Deciding to stand up he froze and stared in awe at his wrist and looked at his ankle. He was chained, a long chain was on his ankle and to the bed posts, his hands were cuffed the chains were long enough for him to move freely but still out of the doors reach, looking at the locked door of the room a thought was only swimming on his head.

"why are you doing this Shizuo?"

The door slowly opened and Shizuo walked in carrying a tray with breakfast and stared as Izaya as he walk and sit on the bed, a frown was visible on his features he felt bad of course.

"Shizuo.. why?" Izaya said as he showed the blond his cuffs, Shizuo looked away and placed the tray on the nightable and buried his face on both of his hand.

"im sorry Izaya, you left me with no choice, I need to do this, I don't want you to get hurt again like last night of you try to sneak out." Shizuo sighed and went to crawl at Izaya on the bed cupping his pale face and stroked it softly. "I don't know what would happen to me if I lost you"

"Shizuo…" Izaya looked down and leaned on the touch and took Shizuo's hand on his own and kissed each finger.

"I won't leave you, I promise" he smiled and cupped the blond's face and leaned in for a sweet chaste kiss. The blond closed his eyes and pulled the informant close to him and started to kiss him passionately which Izaya oblige. Shizuo pressed his forehead on the other male and pulled him into a tigt embrace. "I love you Izaya, im sorry.." pulling away he looked at the handcuff and pulled out the key unlocking it.

"I promise I won't leave" Izaya stroked the blond locks and hugged him. Shizuo never felt so happy and he don't want to end this, he wanted to be like this with izaya.

"I had a dream'

"what does it have?"

"Shinra was so mad at me. but I can't make out some of the words, its just the face that he was mad and all you were there too." A frown tugged on his lips as he looked at Shizuo. "do you think that is a memory? If it is why is he mad?"

" no its not a memory, I never recalled the happened" shizuo murmured and clenched his fisven. " before looking back at the raven. "why aren't you asking what happened last night? About the man and me?"

"well because I was thinking Shizuo doesn't want me to ask in the first place.. I could just forget about it"

"thank you" the bartender smiled and went to grab the bowl of soup and started to feed the informant who was smiling happily as he chewed and leaned his head on the others shoulder. Shizuo chuckled and looked at the raven who was smiling.

"oi, how am I supposed to feed you like that now?"

"find a way~" he taunted and nuzzled at the broad shoulder his fingers were drawing circles on Shizuo's thighs but his mind was drifted to other places. Thoughts as to why Shizuo have to handcuff him just because he left, he was afraid, afraid of the reason why Shizuo have to do it, there are lot of questions in his mind. A debate was on his mind, a debate to uncover his past or just live like this but he preferred the latter somehow he felt that something bad would happen if he continue to force himself remembering his past maybe its better to be forgotten right? Maybe if he live like this there will be more peace in his mind.

"I love you too Shizuo"


	9. Chapter 9

-four months after the accident  
-at a certain apartment

"good morning Shizuo-san" a raven haired male smiled and pecked a kiss on the blonde's lips as he led him to the kitchen and assists him to sit on the chair. "I made pancakes".  
Shizuo stared at the raven who was wearing a pink apron and preparing the same breakfast almost every day, after the time where he made a crazy act as to put izaya on handcuffs he had cursed himself for doing that, the raven never left his house for a month now. He found it unfair for Izaya and he knew that he can't keep him inside his apartment for the rest of his life but it was also Izaya's decision he agreed to it, for a month Shizuo felt so happy they acted more like a couple now unlike before they are also having sex which the neighbour's really doesn't appreciate how loud izaya was at night. Their first night was memorable for him, the raven was so flustered to death he thought that Izaya would burst into flames at how red his face was, or would melt at how embarrassed he was because he was so damn loud, clearly the flea was a virgin he realized and also the type of person who rarely pleasure himself. Glancing at the raven Shizuo smiled as the other male went to his side and placed the pancake on the table. Looking at the dish for almost like every breakfast he knew izaya isn't a good cook and he knew that before the accident Izaya pretended to cook but the truth was it was all from the store, to also where he could slip the poison easily. Sighing Shizuo tried to think of another things instead but his sigh was mistook by the raven.

"i.. I know I don't cook that much but im practicing!" Izaya looked at the blond.

"huh?"

"I actually made some eggs and french toast today!" rushing to the kitchen he placed a plate of egg and French toast that was obviously over cooked. _Why is it his pancakes are the only thing looked so perfect in his cooking  
_

"well.. they are a bit burned but I .." he sighed and took the plate back "uhm.. I think they are not edible enough I'll just practice more and watch cooking shows i-"

"wait!" Shizuo took the plate back and smiled "its fine I'll eat this"  
Izaya gaped as Shizuo started to ate the burnt food he made which made him blush and clenched the spatula in his hands.

"shizuo-kun.. thank you"

Shizuo looked at the raven that was wearing a huge smile, his chest tightened at the sight it was so wonderful the problem was he's getting more attached to this Izaya and slowly forgetting the real him, the heartless bastard that ruined his life, the bastard who he really fell in love with. He was just to selfish what if Izaya would have his memory back? Would he still love him? Probably not.

"its fine silly! I don't mind eating pancakes for the rest of my life" he smiled and pulled Izaya down to capture his lips with his own licking it the raven parted his lips to give the other access and later on he was mewling and blushing as they parted.

"I also don't mind that every morning~"  
the raven blushed even deeper that the color of his eyes and turned away to hide it rushing to the living room and fetched the vest.

"here.. your employer might be waiting for you"

* * *

Shizuo walked down the streets as he took a drag of his nicotine with a smile on his face, for now this is the best day as always and tom seemed to fetch the aura the blond had.

"had a good day?"

"yes, more than anything" a smirked appeared on the bartender as they started to venture through the streets of ikebukuro. Tom was thankful a good mood Shizuo means less people are being thrown and indeed it was true. They ate at a café near the house of their next assignment. Shizuo dialled a number on his phone and waited before a familiar raven answered the call.

"hello"

"hello my little raven" he smiled and sipped the milk shake that he ordered.

Izaya blushed at the nickname, Shizuo is using absurd nicknames but it never fail to make the raven blush and smile, he sat on the couch and smiled.

"hello Shizuo.. how was work? Why did you call?" he asked and tilted his head on the side.

"well I missed you and I wanted to hear your voice so I called"

"its been only three hours" izaya murmured glancing at the clock and then to the television.

"what are you doing my little raven"

"drop the nickname please" Izaya huffed and pouted as shizuo chucked.

"nope! So what are you doing?"

"im watching tv.. it's a cooking show and im trying to learn here taking notes.. you are bothering my concentration and assignment"  
Shizuo smiled as he stared at the cheese cake, he knew the raven was learning to cook other food than pancakes.

"what are you learning then?"

"muffins.. I know you liked sweets im trying dessert now" he murmured still writing the tips whatever the woman said on the tv. Shizuo smiled again as he remembered something, last week the raven tried cooking a mackerel and it was burnt pretty bad also the kitchen almost burned.

"don't try to burn the kitchen" a chuckle was heard and izaya groaned.

"I know that!" he hissed and looked at the kitchen that was already on mess, he sighed he tried making curry and cheese cake unfortunately none of them survived.

"oh I gotta go! I love you wait for me" and with that said the phone call ended and izaya sighed. He was frustrated these past few days. He can't just feed shizuo the same thing always! He knew he could cook but he seemed to forget it. He was trying his best to make the blond happy and even a single task as cooking, he can't even accomplish it.

"this is frustrating" he murmured and looked at the kitchen , standing up he went there and starting to clean the kitchen to hide the evidence of his fail attempt. Scrubbing the counter and washing the plates he just decided to clean the whole place. He looked up to see the cupboard and sighed he grabbed a chair and used it as leverage standing on his he reached for his cloth and started to wipe the dusty cupboard arranging the cups and some other unnecessary things there before his eyes caught a glimpse of something that was shining, blinking he tiptoed and stretched his hand to reach the object and picked up the shinning object inspecting it he tilted his head.

"a …ring?" still looking at the object his head pounded and he rubbed his temples with his other hand. His head hurts like hell, groaning and whimpering he took a step back and he completely forgot that he was standing on a chair. Gravity took control of everything as the chair shook and his balance threw off everything swirled and he blinked before his head collided with the floor. Lying on the ground he stared at the ring in his front and closed his eyes and his mind

travelled back..

back to that day..

back to where it started..

back to the accident…

* * *

_okay im so so so sorry about the late update on this, i was so focused on Two Faced Lovers and Grand Exchange but don't worry like i said this will end onl ike three more chapters or so! please, please bear with me for a moment and to those who reviewed thank you very much! i hope you enjoyed reading this_


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